More Harmonious Translation Lost

"Honey! Send the kid down to the lobby to shine my shoes!"
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This sign was in front of the elevators at our hotel here. I don't know what "mosquito medicament" is, but I sure hope they don't spurt it on my stuff.

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The public bathrooms in the park.
Public bathrooms are horrible places that no human should ever have to endure. But, if you do, you should "be particular about social moralities and pay attention to public health." I always worry about world peace, too, when I'm using the toilet. And also, keep your "nature" where it belongs.
Thanks for your cooperation.

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Now on this one, I don't think they were even trying. Or maybe a middle-schooler wrote it. Or maybe someone's infant was banging away at the keyboard while the parent was trying to type out the text. And they didn't care. "Yep. That looks like English. Send it to print!"

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A clothing store in the market. Yes, life is "wondeful".

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We had to buy Teegan a pair of shoes when we first got him in Zhengzhou. He came to us wearing old plastic sandals with the last vestiges of bunny faces clinging to the toes. We bought these in a shopping "super store" kind of like the Chinese Wal-mart. We just thought we were buying tennis shoes. Little did we know we bought "PMUA's."
And you thought Puma's were cool.

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The "we made your bed" card from hotel housekeeping. I think someone's stalking me.

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I think what we're supposed to be getting from this fire escape plan is to:
1. keep calm
2. scatter
3. don't try to take your any thing

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There are all kinds of vaguely pleasant signs about being good citizens and having harmony.

The next few signs are from the hotel swimming pool. These are my favorites.

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"People with skin disease or infectious disease or heart disease or high blood pressure are not available." (Darn, I was hoping to meet a few of these at the pool.)
"People eating to much or excessive drinking are not available." (Really?)
Oops, I broke rule number 9.

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Whatever the slipper is, I'm sure glad it's not infectious anymore.

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Whatever you do, please don't across the railing!
Especially since the pool is on the 9th floor.